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Sound of children cheering and laughing
BRIDGET They love it!
CHILD Give me that. I want that!
BRIDGET Not now, sweetie, I’m on television.
CHILD But I want it!
BRIDGET Be a nice child and go away.
CHILD Give it to me!
BRIDGET I said, get lost!
CHILD Mum! She hit me!
BRIDGET This is Bridget Evans, Channel 9, Knightsbridge.
CHILD Get the police, mummy!
BRIDGET Oh, will you keep your child quiet?!!
Sound of siren
NICK That’s it!
HECTOR What?
NICK Children’s parties. Rich children’s parties.
HECTOR You can’t go, you are too old!
NICK No, she said – top class entertainers. That’s us. We will be party entertainers to rich children for loads of money!
HECTOR Don’t we need an elephant?
NICK No! We’ve got you!
HECTOR Oooh!
NICK No. Hmmm!
HECTOR Hmmm!
NICK Yeah.
ANNIE [Composing email] I am learning how to hypnotise people.
ANNIE You are feeling very sleepy.
ANNIE [Composing email] I’ve tried it on Hector and Nick …
ANNIE BUTTERFLY!!
HECTOR I don’t think it’s working, Annie.
ANNIE [Composing email] But nothing’s happened – yet.
ANNIE A hypnotic state can last for two days. Oh.
NICK [Composing email] Hector and I are going to be top class party entertainers to rich children.
NICK We’ll be party entertainers to rich children for loads of money!
NICK OK guys, what do you think of this? ‘Posh Parties – make your child’s party go with a bang. We are top class children’s entertainers, we make them laugh …’
HECTOR ... We make them cry!
ANNIE It’s not like that, Hector.
NICK ‘Book Posh Parties for the best party in the world. Only millionaires need apply.’ What do you think? BRIDGET I think you’d be lucky to get one reply.
Sound of telephone ringing
ANNIE Ooh! Hello. Oh, yes, erm, this is Posh Parties. Who is calling, please? Mrs George Ducas?!
NICK Not the wife of Mr George Ducas?!
HECTOR Who?
NICK George Ducas, the Hollywood director.
BRIDGET You know who it is, don’t you!
NICK Victoria, Lucas’s mother.
VICTORIA Lucas, say ‘hello’ to Uncle Nicky-Wicky!
NICK Hi.
Electrical buzzing noise
NICK Ah!
ANNIE Hello. Oh, you’d like to book a party – for your stepdaughter. Oh, she loves fairies. Well, I have just the fairy for you, Princess Nicky, oh and here she is!
NICK Hello! Princess Nicky speaking. Oh yes, of course I know what little girls like! I used to be one myself, you know. Ha-hmm-hmm. Oh, certainly Mrs Ducas, Daisy’s birthday on Friday, we’ll be there. Bye-ee! Oh no!
ANNIE Nick, that’s fantastic news! It’s your first booking!
HECTOR Yeah!
NICK But I will have to go to the home of George Ducas dressed as a fairy princess! What will Victoria say?! Bah! Who cares! This is my chance to get into Hollywood.
BRIDGET Erm, it’s the nearest you’ll ever get to Hollywood. Anyway, what can you do?
NICK What can I do?
BRIDGET What can you do to entertain children?
NICK I can juggle!
HECTOR So can I!
BRIDGET Is that it?
NICK No, I can do lots of things. Anyway I will have my assistants, Hector and …
ANNIE Ah-ah-ah, I’m working on Friday. She’s not.
NICK Bridget.
BRIDGET Oh no, no. Children and I do not work well together.
NICK Oh well, suit yourself, it’s only the home of George Ducas, with the children of Hollywood stars!
BRIDGET Celebrities?
NICK Ahm.
BRIDGET Oh, all right. But I’m not dressing up.
Sound of background atmospheric music
BRIDGET I feel ridiculous!
NICK You feel ridiculous, what about me?
HECTOR Ah, this is the last box.
NICK Ah, great! VICTORIA Are you ready? NICK Ooh!
VICTORIA Nick!
NICK Oh!
VICTORIA Princess Nicky.
NICK Ha-ha, hi Victoria. I mean, hello, Mrs Ducas, ha-ha.
VICTORIA So, how’s the acting going?
NICK Oh, great, great, this is just a, a temporary job! Ha-ha. Hmm, is George here?
VICTORIA He’s next door, chatting to a few friends. Erm, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Orlando Bloom and Jude Law.
NICK That’s nice, yeah …
VICTORIA Mmm. Well, let’s bring in the birthday girl. Daisy, in you come!
Assorted background noises and accompanying music as children enter room
VICTORIA Have a good time! [Sound of kissing] Anyway, I’m just going next door to have drinkies!
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